Who gives a wedding speech, and in what order?

The tradition, the exceptions and how to keep to time – so the speeches become a highlight of the evening, not what drags it out.

Mikaela & Houssem · 8 min read · Updated 12 Oct 2026

At a Swedish wedding the speeches are often the most memorable part of the evening. But without a plan they can also be why dessert is served at midnight. Here's the tradition – and how to make it your own.

1. The tradition

There's no rule, but there's an order many couples start from. It begins with those closest to the couple and ends with the couple themselves.

2. How many speeches?

Six to eight speeches is right for a three-course dinner. Any more, and guests tire – however good the speeches are. Ask guests who want to say something to team up, or give a short toast instead of a full speech.

• Three to five minutes per speech is a good guideline.
• Hold the speeches between courses, not while food is being served.
• Save longer acts and sketches for after dinner or with the coffee.

3. The toastmaster's role

The toastmasters keep the speeches in order: they take sign-ups, decide the order and make sure time is kept. Ask guests to sign up for speeches and sketches with them two to three weeks before the wedding at the latest. How to write that on your website is in What to put on your wedding website.

4. Speeches in several languages

If you have guests who don't understand Swedish, ask speakers to summarise the key points in the other language – a sentence at the start and a toast at the end goes a long way. Toastmasters who speak both languages can also translate briefly between speeches.

5. Etiquette during the speeches

A speech is a gift to the couple, and the rest of the party is the audience. A few simple rules make a big difference – write them in the programme or ask the toastmasters to remind everyone.

• Put down your cutlery. Don't eat while someone is speaking – wait until the speech and the toast are over.
• Be quiet. No side conversations at the table, and silence your phone.
• Stay seated. Don't go to the toilet, the bar or out for a smoke during a speech. Wait for the break between speeches.
• No serving during speeches. Ask the staff to wait with the next course until the speaker is done.
• Raise your glass when the speaker does – and not before.

6. Phrases and pitfalls to avoid

The best speech is personal and prepared. These classics do the opposite – they sound like every other speech and shift the focus from the couple to the speaker.

• “For those of you who don't know me …” Overused and impersonal. Start instead with who you are to the couple: “I've known Anna since we were seven and shared a desk at school.”
• “I'm no public speaker, but …” Lowers expectations and makes the audience nervous for you. Start with something you want to say instead – nobody expects a professional.
• Not preparing An improvised speech almost always ends up longer and thinner than intended. Write it down, practise out loud at least twice and time it.
• Reading straight from paper or a phone Then you're looking down instead of at the couple. Keep prompts on a card, and look up when you say the most important part.
• In-jokes and exes What's funny to three people is baffling to everyone else. And exes don't belong in a wedding speech.

7. The couple's speech

Traditionally the groom thanks everyone on behalf of both, but today many couples give the speech together – or one each. Thank the guests for coming, those who helped out, and each other. Short, personal and ideally ending with a toast.

8. If you don't want many speeches

That's completely fine. Say so in the invitation or on the website, and ask for short toasts instead. Alternatively, collect greetings in a book or let guests record a short video.