How to make your wedding guest list without the drama
Three circles, one limit and an answer you can repeat – so the guest list becomes a decision you stand behind, not a negotiation.
Mikaela & Houssem · 7 min read ·
The guest list is the part of planning that most often leads to arguments – between the two of you, and with family. It's rarely about individual names, but about nobody having set the rules. Set them first, and the names get easier.
1. Start with a ceiling
Decide how many you can invite before you write a single name. The ceiling comes from the budget and the venue – not from how many you'd like to invite. Read more in How to make a wedding budget you'll actually stick to.
2. Divide into three circles
- Must be there Closest family and friends – the people you can't imagine the day without.
- Would love to have Relatives, friends and partners you see regularly.
- If there's room Colleagues, acquaintances and people you feel you ought to invite.
3. Write your lists separately first
Each write your own list before you compare. It makes it easier to see what matters to the other person, and to meet in the middle – instead of the one who talks most deciding.
4. Set the rules – and stick to them
- Partners: everyone with a partner, or only those in a steady relationship? Set a limit and make no exceptions.
- Children: all, only your own family's, or none at all? Make sure it's clear on the invitation.
- Colleagues: all or none in the same team – otherwise it shows.
- Parents' guests: if parents contribute financially it's reasonable for them to invite a few. Decide how many.
5. An answer you can repeat
Someone will ask why they're not invited, or whether they can bring someone. Have a kind, short answer ready – and use the same one for everyone.
Unfortunately we only had room for a limited number of guests, and had to make some hard choices. We hope we can celebrate together in another way!
Unfortunately we're not able to invite partners for everyone, as places are limited. We hope you understand!
We've chosen to have an adults-only wedding, so the children will stay at home this time. We look forward to celebrating with you!
6. Invite in rounds – carefully
Many invite circles one and two first, and fill up from circle three as replies come in. It works, but send the second round no later than six to eight weeks before the wedding, so nobody feels like a reserve.